Tag: respect

Eye Contact & Culture: A Guide to Understanding Non-Verbal Communication, Part II

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How important is non-verbal communication?

It turns out VERY.

A World Economic Forum article explains that non-verbal cues account for a staggering 65% of all communication. 

Among these, eye contact holds a unique and powerful role, often associated with honesty and openness.

A 2006 study found that not only does non-verbal behavior, such as eye contact, influence how truthful we perceive a message to be, but the truthfulness of the message also affects the amount of eye contact the messenger provides.

Understanding the cultural nuances of eye contact can significantly impact our interactions.

For instance, in professional settings, maintaining appropriate eye contact can enhance credibility and foster trust.

Last week, we discussed differences in eye contact norms between the East and the West.

This week, we’ll look at other cultures worldwide and their non-verbal communication norms.

Middle Eastern Cultures: Varied Interpretations

In Middle Eastern cultures, the rules around eye contact can be complex and context-dependent.

In many Arab countries, direct eye contact between individuals of the same gender is a sign of honesty and straightforwardness. 

However, eye contact between men and women who are not closely related can be considered inappropriate and disrespectful due to cultural and religious norms.

For example, in Saudi Arabia, men and women typically avoid direct eye contact in public spaces to adhere to social conventions regarding modesty and propriety. 

A study on Arab cultural communication patterns reads:

“Nonverbal communication in Arab cultural contexts can be characterized by indirect eye contact in certain contexts, expressive body language, closeness between individuals, and relaxed attitudes toward time (Feghali, 1997). Lowering one’s gaze during face-to-face interactions with the opposite sex or between children and an older adult is considered polite (Feghali, 1997).”

Understanding these nuances is crucial for respectful and effective communication in Middle Eastern contexts.

Latin American Cultures: Expressiveness = Connection

In Latin American cultures, eye contact is often more expressive and emotive. 

People from countries like Mexico, Brazil, and Argentina use eye contact to convey warmth, friendliness, and emotional connection. 

Maintaining eye contact is seen as a way to build rapport and trust, making it an essential component of personal and professional interactions.

However, as in other cultures, there is a balance to be struck.

While eye contact is important, overly intense staring can be perceived as intrusive or aggressive.

According to this research on differences between Anglo and Latino nonverbal communication styles:

“The failure of the Latino to maintain eye contact should not be seen as expressing a lack of self-confidence. In the Latino culture direct, prolonged eye contact means you are challenging the person, that you are angry, or that you have a romantic interest in the person.”

African Cultures: Community = Context

In many African cultures, eye contact practices can vary widely depending on the community and context.

For instance, in some Sub-Saharan African societies, children are taught to lower their gaze when speaking to elders as a sign of respect, similar to East Asian norms. 

In contrast, in more urbanized settings, direct eye contact may be more common and accepted.

Understanding the cultural differences in eye contact is vital for effective communication and fostering mutual respect. 

By being aware of these norms, individuals can navigate cross-cultural interactions more smoothly, avoiding misunderstandings and building stronger, more respectful relationships.

Eye Contact & Culture: A Guide to Understanding Non-Verbal Communication

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Eye contact is a fundamental aspect of human communication, serving as a powerful non-verbal cue conveying various emotions and intentions. 

However, the interpretation and significance of eye contact can vary dramatically across cultures, often leading to misunderstandings in cross-cultural interactions. 

Understanding these differences is crucial for effective communication in global business.

Western Cultures: Direct Eye Contact = Confidence

In many Western cultures, particularly in the United States and Europe, direct eye contact is often seen as a sign of confidence, sincerity, and attentiveness. 

People who make steady eye contact during conversations are typically perceived as trustworthy and engaged.

In business settings, maintaining eye contact is crucial during negotiations and presentations, as it demonstrates interest and credibility.

But this doesn’t end at business: direct eye contact is also valued in social interactions. 

It is considered polite and respectful, indicating that you are actively listening and interested in the other person’s words. 

However, balance is necessary, as excessive staring can be perceived as confrontational or aggressive.

East Asian Cultures: Indirect Eye Contact = Respect

In contrast, many East Asian cultures, including Japan, China, and Korea, view direct eye contact differently.

Here, indirect eye contact is often a sign of respect and deference, particularly towards elders or those in positions of authority. 

Avoiding prolonged eye contact is seen as a way to show humility and politeness.

For instance, in Japan, a child might lower their gaze when speaking to a teacher or elder as a mark of respect. 

Similarly, employees may avoid direct eye contact with their superiors during meetings to demonstrate deference. 

Misinterpreting this cultural norm can lead Westerners to mistakenly perceive East Asians as being evasive or untrustworthy, when they are simply adhering to cultural standards of respect.

Studies Confirm These Differences

Research has shown that faces making eye contact are quickly detected and preferentially processed, a phenomenon known as the eye contact effect. 

This sensitivity to eye contact is believed to be innate and universal among humans. 

However, cultural norms influence eye contact behaviors, with Japanese individuals typically making less eye contact than those from Western European or North American cultures.

This study explored how cultural differences affect eye contact behaviors by examining autonomic responses (heart rate), looking time, and evaluative ratings of eye contact with a person displaying a neutral expression.

Participants from Western European (Finnish) and East Asian (Japanese) cultures were compared. 

The findings revealed that eye contact elicited stronger heart rate deceleration (indicative of attentional orienting), shorter looking times, and higher arousal ratings in both cultures compared to averted gaze.

However, cultural differences were evident in how participants interpreted faces making eye contact. 

Japanese participants rated faces as angrier, less approachable, and more unpleasant compared to Finnish participants. 

These results suggest that cultural norms and display rules influence how eye contact is perceived, rather than culture directly affecting physiological responses to eye contact.

We’ll talk more about culture’s influence on eye contact norms next week.

The Microsoft-Nokia Deal: A Case Study in the Challenges of Cross-Cultural Mergers

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In 2013, Microsoft made a bold move by acquiring Nokia’s phone business for $7.2 billion. 

During a press conference about the merger, Nokia’s CEO Stephen Elop ended his speech with the words, 

“We didn’t do anything wrong, but somehow, we lost.”

In saying this, he seemed to acknowledge that the company had failed to adapt to the evolving marketplace.

The deal was expected to bolster Microsoft’s presence in the mobile market, leveraging Nokia’s hardware prowess and Microsoft’s software expertise. 

However, unlike Geely’s acquisition of Volvo, the integration of the two companies soon revealed significant challenges, particularly in managing the cultural differences between employees from the Finnish and American firms.

Background of the Deal

The acquisition was strategic: Nokia had a strong global presence in the mobile phone market, and Microsoft needed to strengthen its position against competitors like Apple and Google. 

The merger aimed to create a seamless hardware-software ecosystem that would rival the market leaders. 

But the rub came when integrating Nokia’s employees into Microsoft’s corporate culture.

Cultural Clashes and Communication Barriers

The corporate cultures of the two companies were night and day. 

Nokia, a Finnish company, had a more egalitarian and consensus-driven approach to decision-making. 

Finnish employees valued autonomy, modesty, and a non-hierarchical work environment. 

In contrast, Microsoft’s culture was more top-down, with a focus on individual performance and aggressive competition.

These differences led to significant communication barriers. 

Finnish employees felt overwhelmed by Microsoft’s assertive communication style, which they perceived as abrasive and confrontational. 

On the other hand, Microsoft employees found Nokia’s approach too passive and slow, leading to frustration and misunderstandings.

Integration and Trust Issues

Building trust between the two groups was another major hurdle. 

Many Nokia employees were skeptical about Microsoft’s intentions and feared job losses. 

This anxiety was not unfounded, as Microsoft announced significant layoffs shortly after the acquisition, further straining relations and diminishing morale.

Efforts to unify the teams often fell short due to these underlying tensions. 

Microsoft attempted to impose its processes and practices on Nokia, which led to resistance and disengagement from Finnish employees who felt their expertise and methods were undervalued.

Strategic Misalignments

Beyond cultural integration, there were also strategic misalignments. 

Nokia had been focused on producing hardware, while Microsoft’s expertise lay in software. 

Bridging this gap required not just cultural integration but also a harmonization of business strategies.

Unfortunately, these efforts were hampered by the ongoing cultural friction, leading to delays and suboptimal product development.

A Failed Experiment: Lessons Learned

The Microsoft-Nokia acquisition serves as a cautionary tale about the complexities of cross-cultural integration. 

It underscores the importance of cultural due diligence in mergers and acquisitions.

It’s not enough to align business goals; companies must also consider the cultural compatibility of their workforces. 

Effective communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt are crucial for successful integration.

To mitigate such issues, companies can implement cross-cultural training programs, establish clear communication channels, and promote a culture of inclusivity and collaboration. 

By valuing and integrating diverse perspectives, organizations can turn cultural differences into strengths rather than obstacles.

While the deal had strong strategic merits, the failure to effectively manage cultural differences ultimately undercut the intended synergies. 

Ethical Crossroads & Negotiation Challenges: The Line Between Cultural Relativism and Universal Ethical Standards

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Wherever there’s a cultural difference spawned from deeply embedded cultural values, ethical dilemmas often emerge. 

Negotiators must navigate the balancing act between respecting cultural relativism and adhering to universal ethical standards. 

Here, we explore some real-world examples of these challenges and strategies for overcoming them.

Cultural Relativism vs. Universal Ethical Standards

Cultural Relativism – Cultural relativism posits that moral principles are not universal and should be understood within the context of a particular culture. 

For example, in some Middle Eastern countries, business negotiations often involve building personal relationships before discussing terms. 

This approach, rooted in cultural norms, might seem inefficient to Western counterparts focused on transactional negotiations. 

However, dismissing these customs can lead to misunderstandings and ethical missteps.

Universal Ethical Standards – On the other hand, universal ethical standards advocate for consistent moral principles regardless of cultural context. 

Issues arise when practices accepted in one culture clash with these standards. 

For instance, gift-giving in many Asian cultures is a common practice to foster goodwill. 

Yet, this can be perceived as bribery in cultures with strict anti-corruption laws, posing an ethical dilemma for negotiators striving to maintain integrity.

Real-World Examples

Bribery and Corruption – Consider the case of a Western company negotiating a deal in a developing country where bribes are a normalized part of business transactions. 

The company faces an ethical dilemma: adhere to universal anti-bribery laws or risk offending local customs and losing the deal. 

A notable example is the Siemens bribery scandal, where the company paid millions in bribes to secure contracts globally. 

The fallout highlighted the need for companies to navigate these ethical waters carefully, balancing respect for local practices with compliance to international laws.

Labor Practices – Another ethical dilemma can be observed in labor practices. 

Western companies often outsource production to countries with lower labor costs. 

However, these countries might have different standards for workers’ rights. 

For example, Nike faced significant backlash in the 1990s for poor working conditions in its overseas factories. 

The challenge lies in respecting the host country’s norms while ensuring that the company upholds universal ethical standards for labor practices.

Strategies for Navigating Ethical Dilemmas

Cultural Sensitivity Training – One effective strategy is to invest in cultural sensitivity training for employees involved in cross-cultural negotiations. 

Understanding the nuances of different cultures can help negotiators walk this line of respecting local customs while maintaining ethical integrity.

Clear Ethical Guidelines – Companies should establish clear ethical guidelines that outline acceptable practices in cross-cultural settings. 

These guidelines should be flexible enough to accommodate cultural differences but firm in upholding core ethical standards.

Engaging Local Advisors – Hiring local advisors who understand both the cultural context and the company’s ethical standards can bridge gaps. 

These advisors can provide insights into how to navigate complex situations without compromising ethical principles.

Open Communication – Finally, fostering open communication between parties can help address ethical concerns upfront. 

Discussing potential ethical dilemmas and agreeing on a mutually acceptable approach can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.

By employing strategies such as cultural sensitivity training, clear ethical guidelines, engaging local advisors, and fostering open communication, negotiators can bridge the gap between cultural relativism and universal ethical standards. 

Building Bonds Across Cultures: Strategies to Build Trust in Negotiations

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Unlocking successful outcomes in cross-cultural negotiations often hinges on a fundamental element: trust. 

We talked last week about how important trust is to negotiations and that different cultures approach trust differently.

As borders blur and global interactions become commonplace, understanding how to cultivate trust across cultural divides is essential for effective communication, collaboration, and deal-making. 

The power of trust is crucial in navigating the complexities of global business negotiations, and here are some ways to build it.

Cultural Sensitivity and Respect

Demonstrating respect for cultural norms, values, and customs is essential for building trust in cross-cultural negotiations. 

By showing an appreciation for cultural differences and adapting communication styles and behaviors accordingly, negotiators can convey sincerity and foster trust.

For example, in a negotiation with a Japanese business delegation, acknowledging and respecting hierarchical structures and formalities, such as addressing senior members with appropriate titles and gestures of deference, can cultivate trust and goodwill.

Transparency and Openness 

Transparency breeds trust in cross-cultural negotiations. 

Sharing information openly, providing clear explanations, and avoiding ambiguity can instill confidence and demonstrate a commitment to honesty and integrity.

For instance, in negotiations between a European company and an African counterpart, openly discussing financial projections, potential risks, and decision-making processes can alleviate concerns about hidden agendas or ulterior motives.

Consistency and Reliability

Consistency in actions and words is paramount for building trust in any relationship – but especially across cultural divides. 

Delivering on promises, honoring commitments, and demonstrating reliability over time can establish a foundation of trustworthiness.

For instance, a European company is negotiating a partnership with a Middle Eastern counterpart. 

The European company commits to delivering a proposal by a specific deadline and ensures that it is not only met but also includes all promised details and specifications. 

They also consistently provide accurate and transparent information throughout the negotiation process, demonstrating integrity and reliability.

By consistently demonstrating reliability in their actions and words, the European company earns the trust of their Middle Eastern counterparts.

Active Listening and Empathy

Actively listening to the perspectives, concerns, and priorities of counterparts and demonstrating empathy can foster trust by signaling genuine interest and understanding.

For example, a tech company in Silicon Valley is negotiating a partnership with a manufacturing company in China. 

The Chinese company expresses concerns about maintaining control over certain aspects of the project to ensure alignment with their production standards and timelines. 

Instead of dismissing these concerns or pushing their own agenda, the Silicon Valley team takes the time to understand the underlying reasons behind these preferences.

They engage in active listening by asking clarifying questions and seeking to empathize with the challenges faced by their counterparts. 

They acknowledge the importance of quality control in manufacturing and express a genuine desire to find a solution that meets the needs of both parties.

This approach fosters a sense of trust and mutual respect between the two parties, laying a solid foundation for a collaborative partnership based on open communication and shared understanding.

Building Bridges of Trust

Trust serves as the linchpin that holds relationships together and propels agreements forward. 

By embracing cultural sensitivity, transparency, consistency, and empathy, negotiators can bridge cultural divides, foster trust, and lay the groundwork for successful collaborations that transcend borders. 

Ultimately, building trust in cross-cultural negotiations is not just about reaching agreements; it’s about forging enduring bonds of mutual respect, understanding, and cooperation in an increasingly interconnected world.

A Zookeeper in Action: When Locals Help Explain Foreign Behavior

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As a Third Culture Kid living in Africa, I would sit in the shade with my father when visitors came.

One day, a trusted employee named André stopped by.

As was normal in the Mossi culture, discussion unfolded at length in a friendly manner, while we drank cup after cup of water.

When the conversation wound down, André at last stood to leave.

It was only then that the aim of his visit became known.

The Favor

A wedding was approaching, and André wanted to ask my dad for help in transporting bags of sorghum (a type of grain). 

The pair sat down again to discuss.

My father told André that while he would like to help, he was unfortunately very busy and couldn’t take the day off that the bad roads would require to transport the grain.

André left and, from that day onward, their relationship was broken.

My father’s trusted employee and cohort now avoided him like the plague.

My father wondered what he’d done wrong. He felt helpless and couldn’t change what happened.

He also couldn’t find fault in what he had said or done. 

He understood he’d had a monkey moment but wasn’t sure what his blunder was.

He really was busy and, on such short notice, couldn’t accommodate André’s request. He had explained and apologized for this.

No matter how hard he tried, his relationship with André didn’t improve.

At a loss, my father sought out his zookeeper for assistance.

The Zookeeper Explains

Freeman Kabore was born of noble blood from Ouagadougou.

He spent time studying in Europe and so had familiarity with both cultures; the perfect quality in a zookeeper.

When my father told Zookeeper Freeman about what had unfolded between him and André, Freeman taught him something about Mossi culture.

An important request like this one should not be refused upon sight.

Instead, one should take the time to consider the request – or at least have the courtesy to appear to take the time to consider it.

If my father had told André, “I will think about it. Please come back tomorrow, and I will let you know,” and then, the following day, kindly declined, this would have been acceptable in Mossi culture.

To the Mossi, this face-saving formality shows your friend the respect he deserves.

Being delivered a direct “no” is considered rude and inconsiderate.

With help from Zookeeper Freeman, my father learned an important norm of the Mossi culture, one that would save him from further monkey moments and help him maintain valuable friendships.

Next week, we’ll talk about Third Culture Kids: the ultimate zookeepers.

Adapting: The Second Step in Cross-Cultural Management

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Over the last few weeks, we’ve laid out the first step of cross-cultural management: acceptance.

Accepting another’s culture, values, and norms as different than your own, while foregoing judgment, accepting ambiguity, tolerating actively, and explaining yourself is the best way to get your toes wet in a new culture.

But we have yet to talk about wading into the shallows of the culture in the form of adapting.

If you dig in your heels at acceptance, then your degree of cross-cultural integration is limited. 

Doing so will certainly help you blend into your host culture, particularly as a manager;  however, at some point, you will find that you must adapt to some aspects of the new culture, or you’ll be forever an outsider.

As the German manager did in his Swiss company, taking your integration a step further by altering your behavior will make the culture accept you.

This is called adapting.

Adapting

First of all, how is adapting different than adopting?

Adapting involves changing your behavior but not your values.

For instance, you are being hosted by a country that bows in greeting as opposed to shaking hands.

As a courtesy, you adapt to this behavior. You bow.

But no doubt, your values haven’t changed; shaking hands is still your preferred greeting based upon your values.

Working across cultures, you might choose to accept and adapt those behaviors whose values are valid and do not impose on your own.

After all, a change in values involves a significant life-altering transformation. More often than not, that takes time.

While such a transformation may come, depending upon how long you remain in your host country and how impacted you are by their culture, until that impact happens, small adaptions will show your hosts that you respect their culture and are making an attempt to integrate where you can.

Cost/Value

The bottom line when deciding what to adapt to and what to simply accept is drawn by the personal cost to you versus the value behavioral changes may add to your life in this new culture and your success as a manager.

Does adhering to the culture’s dress code come at a significant cost to you? Does the value of “fitting in” outweigh whatever cost that may be?

Those values and norms which are not in direct contradiction to your own culture’s should be easy enough to adapt and should be what you actively implement first.

Although the behavior may feel unfamiliar (greeting your French colleague by a kiss on both cheeks, for instance), after normal processing, such behaviors will feel more or less natural.

In fact, give it time, and you may not even notice you’ve adapted to another culture.

Next week, we’ll discuss the type of adaptions that you will notice and how to get over that discomfort. Stay tuned.

Active Tolerance: How to Be Tolerant Without Abandoning Your Values

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“Business owners with a high tolerance for ambiguity can normally handle new and uncertain situations with relative ease, while business owners with a low tolerance for ambiguity would handle the same situations with more angst and unease.”

– Bruce Barringer

In a nutshell, this is the reason to develop your ambiguity tolerance.

As we discussed in last week’s blog post, ambiguity tolerance will save you lots of headaches when navigating the differences and uncertainties of other cultures and events – in business and in personal relationships.

Being able to approach ambiguity in a calm and thoughtful manner prevents unnecessary angst, misunderstandings, and emotional conflict.

However, as with most things in life, tolerance is often easier said than done and when it conflicts with fundamental human values, in some cases tolerating such behaviors can make you complicit in them.

Which leads us to the question…

Is Cultural Tolerance Dangerous?

Objective tolerance of certain aspects of another culture can sometimes walk a thin line between morality and injustice.

There are two dangers:

  1. Accepting values/norms that are inhumane or immoral means accepting injustice.
  2. You may lose your own values and cultural identity when becoming too tolerant.

It may seem impossible then to be both simultaneously too tolerant and immoveable in your own beliefs.

But there’s a middle ground: you might avoid both by promoting active tolerance.

As part of the first strategy for cultural integration – acceptance – active tolerance allows you to preserve your own values/identity, refusing to accept said injustices, while also learning about attitudes and behaviors and seeking to understand why they historically exist instead of dismissing them outright.

Active Tolerance = Respect

Some might consider tolerance as a weakness, a failure to stand up for one’s own convictions.

However, active tolerance is a strength.

It doesn’t mean you must accept things that are fundamentally and morally at odds with your own foundational beliefs.

Active tolerance enables a person to demonstrate all possible respect and understanding for conflicting opinions/beliefs, while also defending one’s own.

Respect and restraint are the essence of active tolerance.

What ignites a wildfire of unconstructive conflict when two people of differing values meet?

It’s not the differences, themselves, but the disrespect and refusal to acknowledge other perspectives and life experiences as valid.

When you “accept” something or someone, their experience or culture, that doesn’t mean you share their experience or agree with their point of view necessarily; it means you are actively making an effort to understand their perspective and not to invalidate their own values, beliefs, and experiences.

You accept that they have theirs, and you respect that they don’t share yours.

When performed correctly, active tolerance doesn’t equate to agreement, but rather to digging to the roots of the many cultural baobabs in this world and attempting to understand them, as well as the personal experiences of the individual.

It’s a willingness to see the world from the branches of another’s tree, even for a moment. Climbing there might not change your own perspective or your baobab’s roots, but it certainly will produce more understanding and growth in your own.

Next week, we’ll lay out an anecdotal example of active tolerance in action.

Respect Culture: How to Respond to Norms that Make You Uncomfortable

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What does respect mean to you?

In the face of disagreement, in the face of, perhaps, discomfort or even anger, what does it mean to respect someone with whom you do not share values or norms?

An example:

You’re Japanese, and you’ve moved to Spain. The Spanish are a warm, open and friendly culture. A kiss on both cheeks is a common greeting, whether you’re a friend or a stranger being met for the first time.

This social norm is not only one you’re not used to; it’s one that makes you incredibly uncomfortable.

What do you do?

Discomfort

I actually know a Japanese woman who struggled with this exact scenario.

She was the wife of a diplomat who had recently transferred to Spain. I met her at a language school.

Not only did she grow up in a culture that is as far removed from Spain as it possibly can be, she was also born to an aristocratic family, so her upbringing was even more disciplined than most. From childhood, she had been taught that public spaces and situations were not the place for physical human contact.

Remember: the Japanese greeting is a bow. A handshake is even too intimate. So, imagine then transitioning into a country in which men and women engage in this public display of affectionate greeting.

A kiss on both cheeks seemed too much for her to bear.

Tolerate, Comply and/or Explain

According to LQ Williams of Owlcation:

“Tolerance is the recognition of the universal human rights and freedoms of others… and the recognition of the value of differences without judgement.”

Tolerance, in essence, is respecting diversity, the world over. Despite feeling uncomfortable with certain cultural norms, you can still demonstrate your tolerance and respect for the culture by complying with other cultural behaviors.

In my Japanese friend’s case, she was taking this step: she was actively trying to learn the language.

Lastly, if you find yourself between a rock and a hard place – that is, between an attempt to integrate into the culture and your discomfort with some of this culture’s social norms and values – then explaining yourself goes a long way.

As Core Languages notes: “Often, just trying to be culturally sensitive is appreciated. Even if you don’t execute well, you’ve taken the time to learn about another and invested in a relationship.”

Who knows – maybe somewhere down the road, you’ll become comfortable with those norms that were initially a roadblock for you, just like my Japanese friend did.

Instead of only accepting the norm, she chose to overcome her deep level of physical discomfort and adapt.

These are some of the battles you may face when living and working in a foreign country. It’s up to you where you draw the line.

But know that in some cases, if you draw the line too close to your own cultural comfort, you may be impeding yourself from successful cross cultural integration.

Monkey Moments: What Should You Do When Culturally Adapting is Impossible?

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What beverage do you order with lunch?

In the US, you might have a Coke.

In Germany, you’d probably order a beer.

And in France, perhaps a glass of wine.

For those moving to one of these countries, this is a simple enough behavior to adapt to.

But what happens when the behavior is not that simple? What happens when becoming “one of the locals” is impossible?

One of the Locals

Speaking a foreign language. Learning a special set of skills. Drinking unfiltered water.

Due to their complexity or the body’s own limitations, these are the types of behaviors where adaptation may be more difficult.

Learning a language requires patience, dedication, and time. Not everyone who is living abroad has all of these in abundance, especially if living in the foreign country for only a short period.

In regions of Africa, the handshake requires a special set of skills, because it’s rather elaborate. Without practice, the finger-snapping greetings are difficult to master.

And, in certain cases – like drinking unfiltered water in Africa, for instance – your body may simply not allow you to adapt. Although it’s the tradition in a number of ethnic communities in Africa to offer visitors water to drink, sometimes your health must take precedence over local custom.

And refusing to speak, greet, or drink may provoke monkey moments.

Monkey Moments

Although your inability to adapt may not be by choice, but rather by time, skill, health, or any other restrictive factor, this inability may still provoke monkey moments.

(Remember: a monkey moment is when your foreign nature is revealed to everyone through your actions…or, in some cases, your inactions).

How do you overcome these monkey moments?

If the short duration of your stay doesn’t allow you enough time to learn an entire language, learn the local greetings and short phrases. Doing so will show the locals that you are making an effort to communicate.

Don’t have the skills to master the complex local handshake?

Give it your best shot, and the locals will surely acknowledge you’re trying.

Can’t stomach the water?

Declining the customary drink may cause a monkey moment, but you must make clear that your health is the reason that you decline. Any other reason would likely be considered rude or disrespectful.

So, my advice is three-fold: make an effort, explain yourself when you physically cannot adapt, and respect the local culture.

This is ultimately what a successful cross-cultural relationship comes down to. We’ll talk more about respect next week.