An American sits down beside a Swiss on an airplane.
After some initial friendly banter (one-sided from the American), he asks, “Where are you off to?”
The Swiss, slightly uncomfortable, is reluctant to respond, but the American doesn’t take the cue.
Without prompt, he proceeds to share his entire trip with the Swiss. He was visiting his son who lives abroad in France. They went on a bike journey across the Baltics together. He’s now heading home to Minnesota, where he’s retired. He and his wife have three other kids, all of whom are newly out of the nest. Their absence has been particularly hard on him, and he’s been trying to find new hobbies – like biking – to fill that empty void where activities with his children once stood.
“Enough about me…” he wraps up. “What about you? What do you do?”
The Swiss squirms in his seat. This man is a stranger, and it’s none of his business. Even worse, the Swiss has nowhere to turn. The nonstop flight is eight hours. Would it be rude to put his headphones in?
This is a marked difference between American and Swiss culture.
Small talk is a common, acceptable, and even appreciated social norm in America.
In Switzerland, not so much.
Sharing Personal Info
This chart illustrates just how uncomfortable the above American just made his Swiss cohort.
In fact, the American went well past small talk, sharing non business related topics, personal factual information, and even personal emotional themes, all of which are only shared between close friends in Switzerland.
To breach this wall with a stranger can feel egregious to the Swiss.
As we talked about last week, respecting others’ privacy is highly valued in Swiss culture.
Their “bubble” is much larger than that of their American counterpart.
Comfort Zone of Communication
The comfort zone of communication is considerably tighter in Switzerland and the scope of people with whom they communicate narrower.
Americans talk about anything and everything with their friends and are, more often than not, comfortable sharing more with a broader range of people as well, whether they be acquaintances or even strangers on a plane.
Swiss view friendship as intimate and permanent. Being a friend means being there, through thick and thin; it’s a life-long commitment not to be taken lightly.
Essentially, the Swiss have no “degrees” of friendship; they have a single solid unalterable definition.
Americans, on the other hand, have a wider range of friendships. They might have people they consider close friends who always have their back, others they consider fun and easygoing buddies who come and go from their lives, and still others with whom they’d be happy to grab a beer and discuss politics but not necessarily share their deepest darkest secrets.
While Americans might view “close” friendships similarly to the way the Swiss view friendship in general, they are also more often open to lighthearted, casual friendships with most anyone.
To some, they might be considered “fair-weather friends,” while to others with whom they are more intimate, they are considered loyal.
But they are willing to share degrees of themselves and their lives with even strangers, all the same.
So, how does one make friends in a culture with such a different concept of friendship?
We’ll bridge that gap next week.