Written by You might think there are universal norms regarding love and marriage, but that is certainly not the case.
Last week, we discussed Japan and the norm of marrying for economic advantage over love. In neighboring China, this idea is also ingrained.
And parents considering marriage prospects take the matter so seriously that, in Shanghai, Beijing, and other Chinese cities, “Marriage Buyer’s Markets” exist.
People’s Park Marriage Market
In the Marriage Buyer’s Market in Shanghai’s People’s Park, a summary outline of daughters and sons, alike, are presented by their parents on cardboard signs.
Similar to a job fair, other parents in search of proper partners for their children are invited to walk around, perusing the signs, which enumerate the pros of marrying the daughter/son in question and attempting to matchmake the best prospects.
Some selling points you might see on signs:
- Born in the year of the dog/171cm/12.000 Yuan salary
- Own apartment/76sqm/188cm
Chinese marriages are still dowry-based, like in India; but unlike India, the dowry is paid not by the bride’s parents, but by the groom’s, and is termed “bride prices.”
As detailed in The Economist:
“Most of China is patrilocal: in theory, at least, a married woman moves into her husband’s home and looks after his parents…The groom’s parents…are expected to pay for the wedding and give money and property to the couple. These bride prices have shot up, bending the country’s society and economy out of shape.”
This makes shopping for the right partner all the more difficult. If the groom’s family is unable to afford the bride prices, then he is not considered a good match. Moreover, with the male-to-female ratio being 105:100 according to a 2017 census, the gender imbalance in China makes the chances of finding a mate even slimmer.
The bride may also have difficulty. In fact, those women of high income and education who haven’t married before the age of 30 are christened with the derogatory term, “leftover women.”
What this all boils down to is that love is not the currency for successful marriages in China; horoscope, property, and income are.
As one Chinese mother summed up the culture’s values and norms regarding marriage:
“First you build your life, and only then also your love.”
Love Happiness vs. Team Happiness
In this way, the West’s focus on love equating a happy life differs from the Chinese focus on economic teamwork equating the same.
The perfect Chinese mate is someone to help you stay afloat financially, raise a family, and succeed mutually in the balancing act of life…and, perhaps most importantly, not be considered “leftover.”
And searching out this perfect mate is not a private concern; it’s a familial affair.
As Wlada Kolosowa, a journalist for the German magazine, Spiegel, sums up:
“In the Western world, love is a matter between two individuals; in China, it is a union between two families.”
Next week, we’ll talk about two-generation families versus extended-generation families. Stay tuned.
Success Across Cultures 